Posts Tagged ‘The Boyfriend’

Pillow Talk

September 21, 2010

The other night the boyfriend shook me awake to tell me something important.Th conversation must have gone on for about 10 minutes. Here’s a summary of how it went.

BF: We do slapperdicktomies now!

Me: Wha?? what?

BF: Slapperdicktomies!

Me: What’s a slapperdicktomy?

BF: A penis transplant, silly! We can put one wherever guys want an extra one. Or if girls want to try it!

Me: *uncontrollable laughter*

BF: What?

Me: So how did this come about?

BF: Someone left one behind! How cool is that!

Cool’s not exactly the word I would have picked. He clearly belongs with me.


A Change is as Good as a Holiday

August 5, 2010

I have no idea who said that, but it sounds like a lie to me. Who in their right mind would say “Oh no, I don’t need a holiday – I’ll just change my job, or move, or any number of other frightful sounding options!” Nobody would say that, that’s who. They’d all say “I’ll take the holiday!” So I need a holiday.

Where to, though? The Boyfriend and I have been debating the merits of various destinations, for yesterday I decided – we need a holiday! Soon! At least 3 weeks worth! We shouldn’t waste any time in picking and booking, just in case an amazing job comes up for him. (He has an unusual work style. He blows any old job off if he decides he’s had enough. That’s why he’s had more jobs than I’ve had hot dinners. We think he’s decided what he wants to do though, finally, so we should go on holidays before he actually acts on that idea. Although really that gives me months, he’s not that keen – he’d probably prefer to win Lotto and not work. Wouldn’t we all, but some of us are more realistic than others!)

I quite like the idea of Turkey and Egypt. My mum always promised to take me to Egypt when I was a kid, as I was always fascinated by the pyramids and the ruins. Then she went without me, and told me that Turkey was just as good, if not even better, so perhaps that defines the itinerary. The Greek Islands are only close by, so that would round out a top holiday nicely. The Boyfriend’s done Egypt already though, and some of Greece, which kind of spoils the idea of going somewhere new! and exciting! together. This option doesn’t completely get ruled out yet though – there’s a difference, I keep telling him, between going and seeing every bar in a new city, to actually getting out there and seeing things – you can drink yourself silly at home, but you can’t pop over to check out the local ruins here, mostly because there are no ruins here.

Machu Pichu is another consideration. Apparently it’s all open again to tourists since those dreadful mudslides earlier in the year. I’m not exactly in top shape for a 4 day trek, but I think I could manage it. Neither of us has been, that’s a bonus. Another mudslide would really put a dampener on this option. Plus I really hate being dirty. I wonder how well I would cope with the reality of the idea.

I have seen some amazing deals for places close by (Thailand, Singapore, Hong Kong) but they are much more common destinations – I don’t want to waste a big holiday really on just lying by a beach at Patong.

Any ideas? Somewhere surely must fit the bill – not too expensive, with enough to entertain for 2 to 3 weeks, somewhere amazing and different. I need to go and buy a world map, and populate it with pins for every place I’d like to visit. Might need more pins here.

Food by the Sea

July 23, 2010

When I wake up, and am still in that dreamy half sleep state, I often have marvellous conversations with The Boyfriend. Mostly about what I was just dreaming. I am assuming this is true, because of course I hardly remember any of these conversations. I only go by what I am told.

There are 2 specific things that I apparently talk about the most frequently when referring to my dreams. The first is the holiday house where I spent all my school holidays as a child, and still try to get to a couple of times a year even if just for a long weekend. Well of course I can understand I would dream about that place – it’s a magical, wonderful place. I plan to have my ashes scattered on the water there when the time for that little ceremony rolls around, it’s the most special place I have ever been. Speaking of scattering ashes on the water, I apparently dream of swimming all the time as well, but I kind of link that in with the holiday house – they are one and the same, in my mind. Not swimming in ashy water, to be clear, just swimming.

The second thing is food. I suppose that shouldn’t surprise me really either, I am greedy and love to eat. Luckily, I love to cook as well, although I don’t do as much of it as I really should as work really cuts into my leisure time. But hey, when that Lotto win comes through I will be happy to hang around the house and cook up a storm. (I could then pay someone to diet for me – that should work, right?) I didn’t realise I dream about food so much – although I suppose, the one dream I do recall from the past fortnight is the one where I was for some unknown reason carefully dipping sliced cucumber into melted chocolate. I guess that clears up the worry that I’m forgetting fantastic recipes that I dreamt up, eh.

I was surprised these were the dreams I ramble about the most. The dreams that I do remember are usually rather vivid and frightening, and involve mazes and races and running away from something/someone. The Boyfriend looked at me rather dryly and said that when I am not dreaming about cooking, and not dreaming about the holiday house, I apparently dream I am in a cooking contest at the holiday house, so I managed to get the “competition/race” part of that involved in there too. For a while I got a bit excited and thought I surely would be a natural shoe-in for next season of MasterChef. Then I realised that cucumber dipped in melted chocolate was probably not a MasterChef winnng combo.

*Edited to Add:

That’s a lie – I just realised there IS one other dream I remember from last week. It has nothing whatsoever to do with food or the holiday house, either. It does tell me that work is stressing me out JUST a tad though. I dreamt I was at a book launch, for a book I had written. It was a children’s book, and was beautifully illustrated much in the style of Beatrix Potter. I couldn’t quite remember what I had written in the book, so was flicking through it. It was a story about a little bunny rabbit who was having issues with her computer. Etc. Till the last page, when it ended with “Peter the rabbit smiled to himself, feeling pleased, for he didn’t have any issues with his computer – he used a PC, not a Mac.” I’m now convinced that I have either totally lost the plot, or thought up the idea that is going to make me my fortune.

Things that go Poke in the Night

July 20, 2010

The other night as we lay in bed, I said to The Boyfriend “You know, sometimes I’m not sure if you’re still breathing at night. It’s normally reasonably easy to tell if you’re alive – the snorty noises give it away. Sometimes though, I wake up and you’re all quiet. So I poke you to see if you’ll make a noise, just to check if you’re still alive.”

The Boyfriend looked at me with absolute shock on his face. I thought he was horrified that I would be poking him in the ribs every other night. Gee, and I didn’t even tell him how HARD I do it sometimes, especially if he’s annoyed me that day! Nope, that was not the case. He replied with “That’s so weird, I do that to you too!”

I didn’t really believe him. Until last night, when I was sleeping lighter than usual all night as The Boyfriend hadĀ  very selfishly been coughing all night. Hey, I’d offered cough mixture, he wouldn’t take it because it was 9 years out of date. Bah. I was lying in a half sleep state, when I felt a very sharp finger in the rib cage. I leapt up, thinking he was sicker than I’d thought, and somewhat regretting my growl of an hour or two earlier that if he didn’t shut up I’d poison him. He said “Don’t worry honey, I was just checking you were still breathing”.

Word to the Wise

June 22, 2010

Helpful hint for the day:

Never diss your cleaner online. Never even hint that you’re tempted to sack her. For one Tuesday, when you’re least expecting it – in fact, when you’re expecting to go home to a clean house because she cleans your house every Tuesday – you might find that she sacks you.

It’s true. I did hear a rumour at The Local the other day that my cleaner had been offered a full time job somewhere, which I assumed might mean she could soon no longer need the money OR have the time to clean houses on the side. I did kind of expect her to let me know rather than just not turn up though.

This afternoon, The Boyfriend sent me a text to let me know there had been a no-show in the cleaning department at my place. Damn, you know what that means? It means I did my pre-cleaner clean for nothing! (Yes, every Monday night I run around like a madwoman doing a fast clean before the cleaner gets there. No, I am not mad. Really. It’s just a little tidying in fact – for if I left all the junk lying around the house that ends up there after a week, it would be impossible to clean anything. Hmm. Interesting thought – I might just pretend the cleaner still comes every week, at least the house will still get tidied weekly if not cleaned!)

Of course, on receiving this good news, I sent a quick query text to the cleaner in question. It’s been a good half an hour and she hasn’t responded. So I did what any sane lazy ass would do – I sent The Boyfriend a text saying “$20 for every hour it takes you will be on the bar tab for you if you get the cleaning done before I get home”. I’m not sure yet if he can be bribed with money. I’m kind of hoping the words “bar tab” jump out and grab him…

Uninvited Guests

April 20, 2010

I usually hate uninvited guests. However this one is a little too hard to resist. Look what has been hanging around my back yard this week.

He’s only pretty small, I would estimate about 12 weeks old. He is a little purr machine. He climbed through the window and into bed with me last night – what a little cutey! Even Ned thought he was ok, and put up with his kittenish ways pretty well, sharing food with him and all.

However, he didn’t think about what an amazing feat it was that The Boyfriend was sort of starting to come to terms with a new baby pet in the house. Then he pooed all over the floor right next to where The Boyfriend sleeps. Poor little Mr Purry. The Boyfriend has started calling him Mr Pooey.

Yep, think I am going to have to find him a home now. I was just starting to get attached, too! This afternoon, I’m taking him down to the local Vet to see if he hasĀ  been microchipped. If not, I’ll be looking for any takers.

Good and Bad

March 9, 2010


This weekend, The Boyfriend and I are headed to the South Coast of NSW with my baby (ok, not so baby – my younger) brother. The Boyfriend and I are going to a wedding in the area on Sunday and decided to shout my brother dinner at Bannisters – the new Rick Stein restaurant on the NSW south coast – on the Saturday night in exchange for a lift from the holiday house to the wedding and back on Sunday. That’s why the three of us have Monday off next week, for a non standard long weekend.


Before the weekend away, we need to attend a funeral for a local.. how to describe him… a guy who lived a few blocks away that had different life choices than myself; who was in trouble more times than not (as in, the most positive story I can think of to illustrate this without getting all into stuff that’s not my business is that he just got allowed back in The Local after several years being barred for selling wacky weed in the beer garden), but that we knew reasonably well, and many of our friends knew and loved. It’s a respect thing in part, but I must admit when I walked past his house on Friday and he told me a few very funny (and inappropriate) jokes I would never have imagined a heart attack would have been the end of him by the Sunday morning. I had the hard job (“because you have that geeky internet thing at work, right?”) on Monday of emailing a few out of town folks to let them know what had happened – I am NO good at emailing bad news, my email even ended with “Insert some kind of non awkward closing sentence here”.


Well, funny at least. I went to see the COO of my division today. He had asked me to put together a 1 page summary of a specific work issue: status, what was happening to resolve it short and long term, etc etc. I put some hours into getting it right and headed over to my weekly catch up with the big boss. He was cross. He asked silly questions. After we got through only 2 sentences of text, he paused and said “Well, I have asked 10 questions already. That tells me this document is not clear at all”. I was really annoyed he wasn’t getting it, and answered with “Well, I understand it perfectly. Perhaps you’re just stupid?” Luckily he thought I was joking (which OF COURSE I was) and even ended the meeting by telling me I was a star as I left his office.


Let’s forget any more bads, and just end on the good. (Am now writing this in permanent marker on my arm, just to remind me through this busy stressy week ahead!)

Short Weekend

March 1, 2010

I don’t know who decided we should all have 2 days weekend to 5 days work. 2 just isn’t enough.

The Boyfriend and I went to see a band on Friday night – Thirsty Merc, at The Basement. Great night, if only they had not finished playing AFTER the last train home had left. A rather expensive cab ride home later, we managed to get ourselves into bed. We didn’t get out of bed again except to grab food until 4:30pm Saturday afternoon. Perhaps that’s why my weekend seemed so short. (Perhaps we might have gotten up earlier if we’d not had quite so many “lemonades”!) Actually being able to sleep in so long then laze around watching TV all day was fabulous, I should do it more often.

Sunday was uneventful – the house is now clean and the grocery shopping is done. We nipped out to the pub while a casserole slow cooked in the oven. I should have taken a photo before I threw it away – let’s just say I don’t think I’ll be believed next time I say “Nah, it’ll be FINE while we nip out to get a beer, it won’t burn at all!” Yep, it burned pretty well alright. I’m just so glad it didn’t catch fire.


February 26, 2010

I’ve been feeling inspired lately to declutter. Clear out the rooms full of mess, finish that renovation, and start using my whole house rather than live in the downstairs because I am renovating upstairs. People smirk at that comment, probably because I have been renovating upstairs for about 10 years now.

Perhaps I need to bite the bullet and just START already. Otherwise I think the decluttering buzz that is going around in my head will get louder and louder. At least, that is what I am sure is to blame for the fact that after lunch at work today I washed up my plate and cutlery and microwave container, dried them up and went to take them back to my office. However all that was on the bench was some paper towels. As I had dried the dishes? I’d chucked them all straight in the bin, and carefully stacked the paper towels on the bench. Excellent work.

In other news, I am sorry to say that I am very cranky with The Boyfriend today. He feels I am being unreasonable – that I can’t be cross for what he did in my dream last night. Hmph, whatever. If he would stop acting that way in my dream – fancy bringing an old friend’s cousin over and giving her special cuddles in the bed that I am also sleeping in – then I wouldn’t be cross. Or alternatively, I might lay off the smoked cheese just before bed.


February 22, 2010

Late on Friday night, The Boyfriend and I decided to take off to Canberra, our nation’s capital, for the weekend. Canberra is truly the most boring place in the world. All Aussie schoolkids are sent there on a school excursion in around 6th grade, it seems, so the place is also full of squalling kids all through the week, high on sugar and bored of traipsing through the Mint or the War Memorial or the Art Gallery.

We were aiming for the Art Gallery deliberately – the Musee d’Orsay in Paris is currently under renovation, so they have loaned many of their works to the Aussie National Gallery. Fantastic exhibition and well worth the wait (the line up was over an hour – and that was in the quietest part of the day!). I have always loved Van Gogh’s Starry Night, and to see it in person was rather breathtaking. So many examples of stunning art – if you’re in the area it’s well worth the effort of getting in to see it.

Unfortunately, the popularity of the exhibition meant that every single hotel, motel, B&B, cabin, you name it, in the whole of Canberra was booked out on Saturday night. We were determined to make it into a proper weekend away so we found a gorgeous little pub called The Bushranger Hotel in nearby Collector. A brilliant example of country hospitality – we ended up getting rather sozzled with the owner, who then took us on a ghost tour of the supposedly haunted hotel. It was a real laugh – but I must admit my thoughts on streaks on the mirrors are not that they are ghost children’s fingerprints, but that they are dirty mirrors! Plus, dudes, the ghosts are supposed to be adults. Great pub though – I’d stay there again, and it was so much more fun than a boring hotel room with no personality.

Across the road from the pub was a very strange example of a different sort of culture. Apparently the man who used to live here made this in memory of his father, who died in the war. Which war, they weren’t sure. Looks like the alien vs human war to me.