Archive for February, 2009

Days Like These

February 26, 2009

So far today I have:

  • left my laptop at home and had to return for it, making me late for work
  • found that I cracked the laptop screen when I did finally get there by closing it on a clip that poked through the screen
  • sat through a meeting without noticing the button on my shirt had come undone, giving the other people in the room a lovely look at my bra
  • realised my shirt is see through so everyone can see every stitch of embroidery on said bra anyway, so I may as well take my shirt off for everyone, not just the few people in that meeting
  • been given the run around at work because I started my new job this week only to find that I have a week to submit a budget. I have never done a budget before and have no idea what I am doing.

Luckily I have the day off tomorrow because I think I need a beer or 7 tonight!


Has It Been That Long?

February 19, 2009

My high school 20 year reunion is in a couple of weeks. I went to a very small specialty school (no, not for naughty people – it was a music high school) and most of the class was made up of children from fairly well-to-do families. All rather sensible and good people. Except for me and a couple of my friends, who were the ratbags. Although I think we were just the only normal people there.

The other day I received an email from the girl organising the event. Part of it read, “I have organised a banquet menu for $32 a head plus desert $6-$8 and cockage $2”.

I of course had to reply. “Nice of you to prepare a special surprise for the girls. Just what is cockage? Actually, who cares – sounds most interesting indeed, and at only $2 I can’t lose.” Sounds to me like a very X-Rated reunion. It could be fun after all!

I just can’t wait to see which of all those very sensible good girls says, “I’ll have what she’s having!”

Honesty is the Best Policy

February 13, 2009

Scene: The boss’ office.

12: I’m really not feeling it. Can I leave at 4 today?

Boss: Hmm. Why?

12: I have this really boring report to finish and I couldn’t be bothered today. I’ve dicked around with it all week and will finish it over the weekend, but this arvo I really feel like going to the pub instead.

Boss: Sure, at leat you’re honest about it. I should really reward that.

Poetry in Motion

February 13, 2009

I’ve been given the opportunity to put something in the morning paper’s Valentines Day special insert, where people put in little valentine love notes for their prospective valentine. Not being one to pass up a free lunch, or anything else, I have been giving it some careful thought. I have 2 hours to decide what to put in. I’m thinking of something really classy. Along these lines:

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

I Fancy a Quickie

How About You?

Boyfriend, Be My Valentine, Love 12ontheInside

Any brilliant ideas? Be quick… I have to have this in by 11am Sydney time.

Careful is as Careful Does

February 12, 2009

A girlfriend from work went to the hairdresser recently. The hairdresser was showing her photos on his iPhone of some hairstyles he had put together for a recent show, trying to get her to try something new. They flicked through the photos together, before a picture opened up of the hairdresser’s girlfriend. In the nude. He looked at her like a stunned mullet for a while before saying “Well, I don’t know how that got there!”

Ha ha ha. And dude? I’m pretty sure you know exactly how it got there.

How to Get a Seat on a Peak Hour Train

February 10, 2009

I’m always having trouble getting a seat on the train. They’re just too crowded, and I usually end up shuffling and swaying to the city on my commute while almost falling into the laps of strangers. Hey, it’s a great way to meet people.

Today I saw the light. Here’s how to get your own seat.

  1. Smell like poo
  2. Wear several layers of vomit covered clothing
  3. swear loudly at the person accompanying you, telling them not to give you backhanders. Oh, did I mention the person you’re yelling at is also invisible.

Soon enough, you’ll not only have a seat to yourself, but the surrounding seats will also be vacant. Much like this fellow, in a bad camera-phone shot I’ve entitled “Scenes from this morning’s commute”.


In an unrelated aside, please continue to send all thoughts you can spare to the victims of the Victorian bushfires and their friends and families.


February 9, 2009

The heat’s been on this summer, with heatwaves across most of the country. Over the weekend, there were devastating bushfires in Victoria. So far 108 people have been confirmed dead with the toll rising, and over 750 homes lost. Yesterday I wept in the pub as the news showed a story about a man who burned to death in his home. Confined to a wheelchair, the man’s next door neighbours had knocked on the door as they escaped, and figured he must have already been evacuated when he didn’t answer. He hadn’t, and he died there in his chair. And in the north of Queensland, there are floods. Something’s gotta give, and soon.

Please send positive thoughts / karma / prayers – whatever your deal is – for all the Aussie firefighters this week. They need all the help they can get.

Not A Good Idea

February 5, 2009

If pretending to work, but really googling recipes and watching the TV at work surreptitiously with your headset, then a kids quiz show comes on?

It is not a good idea to absent mindedly shout out the answer. People will indeed look at you funny when you shout out “Pelican!” I think I recovered from it ok, I just shrugged and turned around and said “What?” to the group of puzzled people looking at me.

Um, yeah, hi I’m an idiot. Here’s another photo or two to distract you .


Two of our most recognised Aussie icons, from a different angle.


One Of These Things is Not Like the Other

February 3, 2009

I was just heading down the work corridor, bleary eyed, towards the fridge to grab some breakfast. I overheard a snippet of conversation – “I had the best work out on Saturday night!” I shook my head in bewilderment,. I just don’t get how a gym session could be good. It certainly sounds dreadful – hot, sweaty, uncomfortable, unpleasant. Then it occurred to me that maybe it wasn’t them that was just plain weird for spouting forth with such gusto about exercise, but maybe I am just plain lazy and it’s me that’s not like the rest. Although I seem to have collected a bunch of friends who are also less than athletically gifted.

Recently myself and 3 others made plans to try to find some form of enjoyable exercise, so we could lose a bit of the flab around the middle. This is why for the past 4 weeks, we’ve hired a tennis court for an hour every Tuesday night. Since we started we’ve had the following injuries within the team of 4:

  • a pulled hamstring
  • a fractured foot
  • cartlidge damage on the knee that may need an operation to repair
  • a cold or two
  • a heavy case of hives that got worse when playing

Last week when we mentioned to the caretaker we might try to up our timeslot to 2 hours soon, he looked at us hesitantly before asking “Er… are you sure? You guys seem to be injuring yourselves more than you’re benefiting from this!” Seems to me like this exercise lark is bad for you. I still don’t get it. As long as it keeps being somewhat fun and I don’t kill myself I guess we’ll keep plodding on. Just don’t expect to see me in the gym on the machine next to you any time soon.